Voices for Voices®

When Sunshine Breaks Through the Clouds | Episode 196

• Founder of Voices for Voices®, Justin Alan Hayes • Season 4 • Episode 196

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When Sunshine Breaks Through the Clouds | Episode 196

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Join me in this deeply personal episode as I reflect on the year since my father’s passing. Grief doesn't simply go away; rather, it shapes our lives in ways that can lead to deeper connections and profound realizations. Through poignant memories and stories, I share how music became a lifeline during my father's illness, and the healing power it holds in the context of grief.

As we journey through the challenges of losing a loved one, I discuss the importance of openness about our feelings and how crucial it is to create space for those emotions. You'll hear about the special moments shared with my father, highlighting the subtle yet significant joys that illuminate our darkest days. Family memories emerge as critical anchors in navigating grief, giving us strength as we continue to cherish our loved ones, even when they are no longer physically present.

This episode is more than just a tribute; it's an invitation to explore your experiences with loss and the roles music and memory can play in your healing journey. Let us continue to be voices of support and understanding for ourselves and for those around us who are also coping with grief. Tune in now and discover the beauty of connection amid loss. Don’t forget to subscribe, share your stories, and help spread awareness about the importance of addressing grief openly and compassionately.

A personal reflection on a year of grief, loss, and the healing power of music guides this heartfelt conversation. We explore the nuances of mourning a loved one and the themes of connection that rise through the pain.

• Remembering a father: Patrick Alan Hayes' legacy
• The universal experience of trauma and grief
• The role of music therapy in emotional healing
• Cherishing memories and sharing family experiences
• Encouraging open discussions about emotions and vulnerability
• The significance of connection during difficult times

If you can give us a big thumbs up, like, subscribe, share, we would greatly appreciate it. Thank you for believing in us as an organization.

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Justin Alan Hayes:

Welcome to this episode of the Voices for Voices TV show and podcast. I'm your host, founder and executive director of Voices for Voices, justin Allen Hayes. Thank you for joining us. If you can give us a big thumbs up, like, subscribe, share, we would greatly appreciate it. Appreciate it. We're well over 190 episodes on our way to 200, as a short stop on the way to 300 total episodes by the end of 2025. Whether you've been with us the whole way or this is your first episode, welcome and thank you for joining us today.

Justin Alan Hayes:

So today was a pretty hard day, no two ways about it. We all go through trials and tribulations in life and we're not here to judge anybody on who's as bigger or more traumatic than others. The one thing we hold together as humans is we hold many different experiences, and one of those is trauma, and trauma takes many different forms. Today was a form of an anniversary, but an anniversary that I prefer not to really celebrate, not saying we don't want to, but it's one of those. It's not a very joyous occasion like a wedding, a reception, family reunion, those types. So this was to the day one year anniversary on the passing of my dad, my father, my hero, my angel Patrick Allen Hayes. And it was, was and still is, because today the day is not over very, very trying. Luckily, I had my therapist appoint me yesterday. I was able to talk through some things and some emotions and at the end of the day, we're all human, we all, again, we all have trauma, we all have experiences. We all handle differently what I do may help me a little bit but might not help you and vice versa, and I'm no expert again, we're, you know, voices for voices. We're sharing experiences, content, trying to to really, you know, touch that one, that one person out there that may have a similar experience, or they may know somebody that that do and may be able to identify that and and help out.

Justin Alan Hayes:

A year ago, 8.08 am, my father had passed in heaven, passed earth to heaven, and that day I'm pretty sure it's kind of staying with me the rest of my life. My immediate family, so my mom and my sister, myself, we had been staying at my mom and dad's house since my dad had been, I want to say, moved to hospice. But even within hospice there were different levels and they weren't they're measured, I guess in my mind. So they don't, don't Google and look for these levels and say, oh well, justin said this. No, and what I mean by that is, you know, start out, where my dad's able to rest in bed, like he always has with my mom, and. And then there were a couple times when he got up to go to the bathroom and, you know it, we were all running on fumes and then he fell and slipped and one time the ambulance squad was called and it was at that level or that decision making point, where the hospital beds brought in and it's a matter of days and functioning things that he could, because our bodies only operate for a certain period of time, and so, as as his body was shutting down, getting weaker from not being getting up, and moving around the hospital bed was how, how things was eating fairly well, yeah, and then we got to the point where we were. I was like feeding them like baby food, but almost, you know, like in the squeezy pouches Cause, right where we're trying to get nutrition into his body, and so we were trying the best that we could, one of the things that I enjoyed doing, as my and I'm going to get emotional here from time to time, so bear with me here from time to time. So bear with me, as my dad was going through his his chemo treatment there at the hospital, particular hospital that he was getting his treatment at, there was, as the probably is many, if not all hospitals you know, coffee shop.

Justin Alan Hayes:

You can pick up pastries, all kinds of different coffees, and this particular one also made smoothies, and so that was one thing that I think one day I just got one because the treatments were fairly long, and so we were gonna we're gonna be there a couple to several hours, and so I got it and we went back into where my dad was getting his treatment and he was this was kind of, I guess, like the beginning so going through like the chemo, and so he was still able to walk. For the most part he wasn't quite needing a walker or a wheelchair to to uh, to move around, and and so I, you know, I had a strawberry banana smoothie and uh, and I said, hey, I'll go, I'll go get another one. I mean it was no big deal to me. Someone got another one and I I think he drank, my dad drank, like the whole thing, and he really liked it, uh, and and so that was one of the things that when there was on days that there were treatment. Uh, that something I I enjoy and I mean still enjoy, enjoy to stay, even though I haven't had one in a period of time. So that's one of the things that I like to do.

Justin Alan Hayes:

And as time progressed and we're given the prognosis, as you know, as time progressed and we're given the prognosis, it wasn't great and for all the shots and infusions and I, I can only just imagine what he was thinking you know, the strongest person I've ever met, and a lot of it for me, because, as my first psychiatrist said that I'm an introvert and you may be saying as I'm thinking, and that's pretty remarkable, that I'm an introvert, and here I am in front of the camera or listening to my voice for all these episodes and continuing on. And so with my dad we didn't do a whole lot of talking, but it wasn't a bad thing. I like just being in a room with him where we could be watching a baseball game and we didn't have to say a whole lot. I mean, when we wanted to and we did, then we did share and we did bring up questions or thoughts or ideas, but it wasn't that hugely important to me to have a bunch of conversation because we kind of understood each other. I guess is probably the best way, and, and so that's one of the things I missed the most, besides having him and my mom, who we call Amma and Pappy watching my daughter.

Justin Alan Hayes:

My daughter is continuing to grow, and so that's really a hard, hard part for me, but my daughter she of my daughter and my dad, so that we can look through. And so years ago, you know, when I was growing up and when my grandparents passed, let's say, like smartphones being able to capture a lot of things on pictures and being able to transfer that into getting them, getting those printed out and then putting those on a kind of like a little bit of a scrapbook layout we just didn't do that, and and so I'm really happy that we do have that, that we can look through, and then that we continue to have time for my mom to spend with my daughter, and so that's just a work in progress of doing that, trying to do the best we can. And one of the best decisions that I made, my wife made we both made was when my daughter was born, when my wife and I went back to work. She went to school, but on Fridays my mom and dad would drive up to our house and they would watch her. So they would get to hang out and it was like watch cartoons but like play and draw and color. And there was a hill, not a huge hill, but a hill. We were at an apartment complex and my daughter, she just loved running up and down it, up and down it, and sometimes my mom would run up and down it with her and then sometimes my dad would, and so being able to reflect on some of those pictures or short videos and being able to continue to show my daughter and even for me to see my wife, and even for me to see my wife.

Justin Alan Hayes:

You know we talk about memories and so Room 5 put that song out a couple years ago at our Brand New Day event. I went up close to 20 feet on a scissor lift, played memories on my electric guitar, sang it I'm gonna call it singing, and again, I'm not a great guitar player, singer, I'm scared of heights. So I kind of wrapped all those into one and that was one of the songs Memories. My dad was still with us and the diagnosis was not made at that point. But then, once the diagnosis was made and, as at least with me, music helps me through all situations. But music is something that I enjoy and I'm not great at playing it or singing it, but to some extent lowers my stress for that period of time a couple minutes or 20 minutes, whatever that may be and you may have seen video posted that I did so. I played and sung if you want to call it that memories to the song from Maroon 5, and I posted it.

Justin Alan Hayes:

Depending on which platform you would have you're seeing it or heard it on, would have been last night or today and really want to just reach out to. I mean, I'm grieving my family. We're still grieving at our own speed, our own pace. I am, I'm emotional and I think that was something that was big, that for a lot of years I tried to hide my emotion and tried to just power through and get through it. And that's part of that stigma of society with men and some things we put on ourselves. Some things are kind of those stereotypes of you know, men shouldn't really have emotions like that. Well, I do, and that's why I'm filming at this time as I'm in the throes of this kind of really emotional time in my life and obviously going forward, with Dad having passed, yeah, and in my mind it's really all over the place at this point. So you kind of bring it forward where, yeah, I'm emotional and there are, you know, with that memory song. I wanted to put that out, not just for me, because it was helpful to me to do it, like yourself, that, whether you like the song, whether it's just the inspiration that somebody doesn't have to be the best musician to play a particular song, that's what it's out there for. And then, with the lyrics of, adam Levine wrote the song after somebody important in his life passed. And so for me, this time around, after my dad passed, I thought I would try it, and so that's out there.

Justin Alan Hayes:

And in music, right, we saw Isabel a couple of years ago at our brand new day event. She's a music therapist. She was room to room at the cancer wing at the particular hospital my dad got treatment at. She also visits hospice patients and just has one of those voices just kind of like the angels, and I remember I think it was the very first treatment my dad had. She came into the room with her acoustic guitar. She came into the room with her acoustic guitar and asked my dad if he had a request or the type of songs that he liked, and she played them. She played, I think, maybe three songs that day and then I think she came back maybe once or twice again.

Justin Alan Hayes:

Throughout that treatment process for my dad and that was what really hit home with me is how music to me I think the humans in general, but to me it really resonated. It resonated with my dad that I was just like full in tears because he was just closing his eyes and you could just tell that he was all immersed in the music. And that's what music therapists are, that's what they do. So my good friend, ketrel Chan, hearts for Music. That's what he does. He's a music therapist. He goes in at various stages of I call them disabilities or challenges people are going through as well, as you know, getting to the end of end of end of life, care, hospice and just singing and soft playing, soft music on his keyboard or he plays a multitude of instruments, but it's meant in the most peaceful way.

Justin Alan Hayes:

So when Isabel came through to my dad's room, it was one of those things where people ask well, how do you decide and make decisions? One of those things where people ask, well, how do you decide? And make decisions? And I say, well, for some things like that I was looking for musicians for our brand new day event organization is to support music therapists by bringing a music therapist and having her share her voice, her musical talents, share her, her story and and how she was drawn to want to come and play.

Justin Alan Hayes:

And that night, which I didn't know, but before the event started, my dad wasn't in any shape to come, and so my mom and dad, they weren't able to attend, and that was okay, I mean, life was happening. So I I did a FaceTime. So I, because we were at the location for the event, so I had Isabel and and she was able to FaceTime with my dad and come to find after the event that there were some complications that were happening around that time and there had been calls between my mom and the doctors and the nurses and that to find out if they should go into the emergency room and get checked out, should go into the emergency room and get checked out. And so I didn't find out that until after the show and my sister had talked to my wife. And then, when I got home, my wife talked to me and I called my sister and so the next day we were back in the hospital.

Justin Alan Hayes:

But that's just one way that music has really moved me. I've talked about the concert with my dad, phil Collins, and just being being one of my first concerts and you know many years ago, and and how it was just kind of mesmerizing that Phil Collins was playing and singing so many instruments and my dad was. I mean, I was kind of chuckling because my dad was, you know, doing his little dance and he was enjoying himself and looking back that's. I'm glad that I was able to spend that, that time with him and I think that's why you know the church, why singing and and songs and psalms are played and sung, because way back in the day, you know, when Jesus was living, that was important and that was something that happened then and it happens now and everybody has their particular tastes and and uh in music for various reasons.

Justin Alan Hayes:

And to, you know, to have Isabel come through and play, uh, I was just, it was just one of those out-of-body experiences. This is the perfect time to have such a peaceful musician and singer in the room with my dad who is going through chemo treatment and she may have only stayed for about 10 minutes, but after that time that she came, that was something we talked about a lot, a lot, and so when Isabelle said, yeah, I'll come play at your event, things just really came kind of full circle with that process. It was just if I wasn't there at that time I wouldn't have been able to see and hear that music and know, okay, this is Voices for Voices, because one of the things that she does is one of the songs. She'll ask her patients help with some of the words, help with some of the words, things that they've done in life that they enjoy, whether that was a vacation, a concert, a ball game, spending time with family and she would integrate that into the music. And that was just so beautiful, so fast forward into today and we're coming here towards the end of our mark.

Justin Alan Hayes:

But when my family and I, when we stopped by the cemetery after church and to pay our respects, my dad baseball is a sport that he liked to watch and liked to watch my nephews play, and so they brought a miniature bat and put in with the flowers on the stone. And then my daughter she painted a rock with a flower that we put on. And then she wrote my dad's name, pappy, my dad's name, pappy, and then she signed her name. And then, when I found out my dad's one of his favorite songs was how Great Thou Art from Carrie Underwood I pulled it up on my phone and played it, listened to it, because that was something we did right after my dad passed last year, as we prayed and played how Great Thou Art from Carrie Underwood, I think two or three times right after he had passed. I think two or three times right after he had passed.

Justin Alan Hayes:

And the real silver lining today was very cloudy day, very overcast, very cold, very chilly, but at that last few moments that I was there, the sky parted and rays of sunshine or shining down, and you can't make that stuff up, and that's probably my dad Did. Jesus say it. Everything's going to be okay and it's hard, but just try our best. And so I wanted to share with this particular episode because of how emotional it is for me and it may be for you, or maybe you've experienced it already, experienced it already, but I and our organization wants everybody to know our supporters, that we're people too, or individuals. We have emotions, and I have emotions too. So, as you're taking time to watch and listen to our Voices for Voices TV show and podcast, we can't thank you enough for all that love and support. If you give us a big thumbs up, subscribe like share, we would greatly appreciate that, and thank you for believing in us as an organization. For believing in us as an organization, and until next time, please be a voice for you or somebody in need.

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Justin Alan Hayes

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