Voices for Voices®

Weird Self-Improvement Tricks That ACTUALLY Work | Episode 185

• Founder of Voices for Voices®, Justin Alan Hayes • Season 4 • Episode 185

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Weird Self-Improvement Tricks That ACTUALLY Work | Episode 185

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Have you ever questioned whether you're truly enough? This episode challenges the habit of self-comparison and the relentless pursuit of meeting others' expectations. We dive into the intricate process of self-assessment, pondering how often we seek quick answers to complex questions that impact our sense of self-worth. As we navigate through this conversation, we encourage you to recognize the things you can control—like personal achievements—and distinguish them from what you cannot, such as the weather. By breaking down these convoluted thoughts, we aim to offer a fresh perspective on evaluating your own standards and understanding your self-worth.

Our discussion takes a candid look at the human tendency to dwell on shortcomings while overlooking the feats that mark our journey. We shine a light on the positives that often get neglected, urging a shift in focus towards acknowledging strengths and celebrating every victory, no matter how minor. Join us in redefining how you assess yourself on this ever-evolving journey of life—balancing critique with credit, and recognizing that each step forward is a victory worth celebrating. This episode promises an engaging dialogue that not only challenges your thought processes but also inspires a shift towards a more balanced self-evaluation.

This episode challenges listeners to reflect on their self-worth and the impact of comparison on mental health. By exploring the complexities of individual expectations and the necessity of celebrating small wins, we emphasize the importance of self-kindness over perfection.

• Reflecting on the question of self-worth
• Complexities of societal expectations
• Shifting focus from negatives to achievements
• The unrealistic pursuit of perfection
• Embracing our human flaws and limitations
• The impact of toxic relationships on self-perception
• The importance of celebrating small victories
• A call to practice self-kindness and acceptance

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#FlawsToFeats #SelfImprovement #UnconventionalApproach #PersonalDevelopment #MotivationMonday #LifeLessons #TransformationTuesday #GrowthMindset #SelfReflection #FindYourStrength #PositiveVibes #OvercomingChallenges #MindsetMatters #SelfEmpowerment #InspireOthers #LifeHacks #JourneyToSuccess #MotivationalQuotes #MindfulLiving #BeYourBestSelf

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Justin Alan Hayes:

Am I enough? I think this is a question that we all think about from time to time. Measuring up to others, measuring up to what we think are others expectations of us about what we think we should be doing. Comparison judging now these topics doing comparison judging Now these topics aren't anything really new when we think about just human beings, but I think what is newer is how much we depend on each of these thoughts of am I doing enough, am I doing enough? And then, secondarily to that is how are we looking at that? So it's one thing to think are we doing enough, are we being enough? So there could be a yes or no, or maybe or sometimes, but search for answers, as I think anybody's mind given a minute or two or a few seconds, not thinking about something concrete, we think about this how are we doing? Are we doing, are we doing enough? And then, how are we looking at that? Who's giving us that feedback and what is that feedback? Is it a number? For instance, I think I should be making more money than what I am currently making, and so we can think am I doing enough? And we can really look at those two inflection points and I think I should be making more or am I making enough?

Justin Alan Hayes:

And then we dig down even deeper. It all comes back to our thoughts and how we, how we really take those thoughts and synthesize that. So how do we take information and have the information make sense? Well, to each of us it can be a little bit different. What makes sense to you might not make sense to the next person. Well, it makes sense to me, it may make sense to you, but maybe not that next person. So what we're really finding in this first five minutes of this show is am I enough, how am I doing? It's really pretty complex and speaking for myself, taking a complex thought, complex topic and trying to make it simple, make it easy so that when I think, am I doing enough, am I enough that I can make it, make a call, make a judgment in the snap of a finger, really get down into the nuts and the bolts of how we're looking at making the call of how am I doing, am I doing enough, am I not? How? What contributors Variables? How? What contributors variables? What variables do I have somewhat control over, I can impact them, and what variables don't I like? The weather Well, we can want and hope for particular weather sunny and 70 as Someone who's sitting In a climate that is in the mid-30s snow, freezing rain, sunny in the 70s sounds really good right now. That's to me at this given point. So we all really are at this given point. So we all really are researching for an answer. That is, again, more complex than what we, how we treat it. Again, we're looking for that fast answer, but it might take us five, six, seven minutes to really think through what that really means.

Justin Alan Hayes:

Am I looking at the right things? Am I looking at the right number? Am I looking at the right number? Am I looking at the right time frame? Am I giving myself credit when I deserve credit? Because that's also a loaded question. We are fast to identify weaknesses, things that we're not doing well, things we can improve on, things we can get better.

Justin Alan Hayes:

Less of our time is spent on what we're doing well, how far we've come from where we started and at some point along the way we've kind of fallen off track, think, as a human species, because we're we're not really doing what we should be doing, what I mean by that? So as much as we are Saying, ah, I'm not doing that, I'm not doing that very well. I could be doing this even better. Or look at so-and-so here's how I stack up. I'm never going to reach that point. We spend way too much time looking at the negatives, the negative outlook, the negatives of where we are at this point. We spend so much time maybe 80% of the time at least that's the way it feels focused at a granular level of what aren't we doing well, what is so-and-so doing better. Look how short of a period of time it took her or him to do what I'm doing. And when I said we've fallen off track a little bit. As a human species, we spend so much time. How can we tweak this and make this better?

Justin Alan Hayes:

Also, looking at what we are doing good, what we're doing well, what may take us a shorter amount of time than average, maybe I am working on one task. This one task. The average is 10 minutes and I'm able to complete at the same proficiency in 8 minutes. That one task. I am doing better than expected, so I should be giving myself credit for that. And I don't have the answers, or the answer. I don't know where it came from.

Justin Alan Hayes:

I don't know where we really fell off and started to spend so much time on the negatives. We not only judge ourselves on those negatives, we judge others on those negatives as well. Oh, she's not doing that well, he's not doing as good as this other person. And so we look at things from a mental health standpoint and a trauma standpoint. Well, if all we're thinking about are negative things, negative negatives of where we are at this moment in time, that's going to increase cortisol, which is that stress hormone, and increase our stress as a result, and really take a taxing approach on our body, our minds, and maybe part of it is, well, we should just get through this. We should never be negative. We should never have negative things that we're doing. We should always get better and better and better.

Justin Alan Hayes:

Now, that sounds great, but what that sounds like to me is we're trying to achieve 100% efficiency. Well, we know that human beings other than Jesus, that you and I, we're not perfect. Nobody is except Jesus. So why are we looking at ourselves, our individual selves, and trying to achieve 100% efficiency? Remember, we're doing better and then better and better and better and better and better and better, and trying to achieve 100% efficiency. Remember, we're doing better and then better and better and better and better and better and better, and then we hit 100%. And then we want to maintain that's just not possible. We're trying to achieve 100% efficiency or 100% and get that A-plus in class on all that we do. And, yeah, it's not possible. We're not perfect, we never will be perfect.

Justin Alan Hayes:

So we should stop trying to be perfect, stop thinking that somebody else is perfect and we're not. We should stop treating the human body, mind, body, spirit, soul like a machine, all those machines at 98% efficiency, 99% efficiency or it's very close to 100% efficiency. So I, as a human, I should be the same. I should be getting closer and closer and closer and closer to 100% of being not only the best that I can be, but being better than everybody else. It's not possible. It's not possible. And I can start with myself and be a little kind, a little more kind to myself at times where I think or I feel like I should be doing a task, a project better than I'm doing. Yeah, we can improve, but at what cost?

Justin Alan Hayes:

Well, if we're going to work on project A and continue to get better and better and better and better, also looking at project B, well, again, we're human beings. We may like to think In reality, you and I and everyone else on planet Earth who has spent time on planet Earth that we're going to only be able to focus on one thing and do that one thing. We're going to do better if we focus on that one thing than if we focus on two things or three things at the same time or three things at the same time. So it's fairly of everything we're talking about in this episode. It's fairly straightforward of that last part, if I'm focusing on three things at the same time and we're juggling back and forth and back and forth and back and forth, a little bit of this project, a little bit of that project, a little bit of that other project.

Justin Alan Hayes:

And again, we're not computers, we're not machines. We're not computers, we're not machines. We're not meant to be at 100% efficiency. We're meant to be who we are, who you are, who I am, who everyone else is. We're meant to be ourselves. So there are going to be things, there are going to be paths, there's going to be projects that we're going to do well and we may look at it and say, well, we did awesome on this project. And then there's going to be other projects and feel like we may have done better on project one versus project two. That's okay and we can give ourselves a little bit of grace and understanding.

Justin Alan Hayes:

We are human.

Justin Alan Hayes:

We are not perfect. We're not. Anybody who tells you that we're perfect is lying. And we want to just be ourselves, and I think this is where the human being, the human species, fell off. Well, just be yourself.

Justin Alan Hayes:

Well, when we hear that, it sounds like, oh well, they're not trying as hard, just be yourself. This touchy-feelyely emotional type of deal. So what if it is? All I can be is the best that I can be, not the best that you can be, not the best that you can be to another person, to another person, to another person. Just do our best.

Justin Alan Hayes:

Stop comparing ourselves to supercomputers, to machines. Stop thinking that we as humans are able to hit that 100% efficiency on everything we do. Stop it. I have to tell myself to stop it too. Stop treating Everything Like a negative that. Oh well, we can fix that, we can tweak this.

Justin Alan Hayes:

And let's start giving ourselves credit. Let's celebrate wins. Again, that's not a touchy-feely thing. Celebrate them. Maybe that means going out to dinner, having a special meal with your family, Maybe that means going on a trip, or maybe that just means spending a half hour doing whatever you want to do, whatever I want to do. And if that means to do nothing, then that is what we choose and that can be our celebrating, and that can be our celebrating. It doesn't always have to be have to throw these huge parties and these huge get-togethers oh, we got to celebrate, so pop out the champagne.

Justin Alan Hayes:

It can be something as simple as spend time doing something that we like, that we don't have to spend very much brain power to do. Maybe it means listening to music. Maybe it means playing some music. I like to play music on guitar, but I'm not going to get into this judging match of how well or how good I think I'm playing. I'm not a pro, I'm not in a professional band, I'm not in a touring band the music I play I know it's imperfect, but nonetheless it reduces stress just a tiny bit. Just a tiny bit less stress.

Justin Alan Hayes:

That's a good thing and that comes from not taxing our bodies on constantly looking at the negative of how we can do something better or how. Look at this person, look at that person, look at how well they're doing on this task, this project. There's no way I can do as good as they are or they can't do as good as I am. So we learn a little bit. We'll spend less time being critical and focused on the negatives that we do or don't do, or how we're comparing one person to ourselves, that it's okay, that we're not going to achieve 100% efficiency, a plus on everything we do, and if we're able to reduce stress just a tiny bit, that's going to give our mind, body, spirit, soul that much more time to do something and maybe celebrate Because we know we're doing. We're doing what? What are we doing? We're doing the best that we can and that Is All we can do.

Justin Alan Hayes:

No matter what we're doing, we're doing the best that we can and we're going to focus less on the negatives or the perceived negatives. And if there are people that are adding those negatives and constantly pointing those out to us, it may mean ourselves and looking at the positive of doing the best that we can and it may mean removing that individual or individuals who are toxic to our lives. Because to our lives, because we don't want to give people who are toxic and negative and pushing that negative narrative about us. We don't want those individuals camping out in our minds and constantly being that naysayer. We want positive, we want to be ourselves. So you be yourself and I'll be myself, and we'll be much happier together. Thank you for tuning in to this episode of the Voices for Voices TV podcast. I am your host, founder and executive director of Voices for Justin Alan Hayes. Until next time, please be a voice for you or somebody in need.

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